(it's only 20 days away....)
The Loneliest Job in the World
by Tony Hoagland
As soon as you begin to ask the question, Who loves me?,
you are completely screwed, because
the next question is How Much?,
and then it is hundreds of hours later,
and you are still hunched over
your flowcharts and abacus,
trying to decide if you have gotten enough.
This is the loneliest job in the world
to be an accountant of the heart.
It is late at night. You are by yourself,
and all around you, you can hear
the sounds of people moving
in and out of love,
pushing the turnstiles, putting
their coins in the slots,
paying the price which is asked,
which constantly changes.
No one knows why.
Actually I know two people who have poetry and interviews scheduled for every blessed day of National Poetry Month. It's still National Revision Month for me, so I'm not going there, but it's lovely to see people so enthused.
ReplyDeleteI don't like this poem, though. It seems... mercenary. Why are she asking who? Doesn't she know? And "how much" seems petty. Isn't it ever enough just to be loved?
I guess it's annoying to me especially because when D. introduced me to a couple of friends of his in Southern Cal aeons ago - women in their forties - they asked, "So, who loves who more?" as if, in any relationship, there's an inequity that's obvious enough and should be discussed.
They were trying to rattle me, I think. They merely pissed me off.
But she acknowledges this in the first line when she admits if you go down this line of questioning, you are 'completely screwed'. I walk away from this reading thinking that real love is just open and gracious and one doesn't bother thinking about who loves who. One simply loves.
ReplyDeleteBut I remember your encounter with those two.
Ah. Okay. On closer reading, I agree with your assessment. It's a total waste of time, she finds herself, late at night, trying to balance of checkbook of How Much, and other people have just gone on and been LOVING and she has missed out.
ReplyDeleteWait- I don't like THAT any better!!